A Smile

Lee University looks dim. The brick buildings are all tinged grey, and the sun has settled indefinitely into a blanket of clouds. Yesterday morning I walked across campus, snowflakes lazily speckling my black coat, and I surveyed the dismal showcase of winter on my school. In my mind, I compared the beauty of campus in mid-August to the withdrawn and wintry spectacle that sat before my eyes. It's funny how the very attitude of campus seems to change with that of the students. It's the beginning of second semester, and the inviting smells of cinnamon and pumpkin have gone, leaving the bleak honesty of this season in their place. Also gone are the buzzing, idealistic freshmen of fall semester. It is second semester, it is winter, and we are all students waiting for the first shoot of vibrant color to spring forth from the ground and reestablish optimism in our frozen minds.

When I first noticed campus, I mentioned it to a friend. She looked at me and said, "It's ugly." I adamantly agreed. I could have done the writer thing and told her that I still found beauty in the tragic state of our school, but that would have been looking way too far into it. The truth is, Lee University isn't as pretty as it usually is. But even with the seemingly depressing vision of a campus once beautiful in all its colors and brightness, I cannot help walking outside and feeling a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. I know that the cruddy facade of dullness winter has currently draped over the entirety of the school is hiding a magnificent change. In a couple short months, campus will bloom suddenly and wholeheartedly, and the comparison of what it is now will make it seem that much more stunning. And that is why I'm smiling.

The winter isn't the only cause of my smile, though. I'm smiling because I've been smiled at, and the elation that comes with that act is not easily forgotten. I'm smiling because I've been invited to join the English honor society, Sigma Tau Delta, and I've been nerding out about it for a week. I'm smiling because I've realized that I have mini "families" here, whether I find them on my hall or in the groups I'm involved with. I'm smiling because I received two packages yesterday from two lovely ladies in my family, and their constant encouragement reminds me of my purpose. I'm smiling because it's February, and I'm steadily seeing new couples holding hands or flirting in the ped mall. I'm smiling because, even though things have seemed dreary lately, I'm genuinely happy. My heart is full, and the product of my full heart has consistently revealed itself in my countenance.

I don't know how things have been for you lately, but I can tell you that when things are ugly, sometimes it's best to smile in anticipation of the great things that will be. The ugly things will soon be beautiful.

A Thought

We become the things we let consume our time. In the words of Frances de Sales, "We cannot help conforming ourselves to what we love." I don't know the effect this thought will have on you, but it altogether thrilled and terrified me.

I remember hanging out with a specific person when I was in middle school. When I'd come home after sleeping over at this friends house, my brother would say, "Why are you talking like ______?" Of course, I'd deny the resemblance and tell him to leave me alone, but on the inside, I reveled in the comparison. I thought my friend was funny, so the fact that I was unknowingly beginning to act like her didn't really bother me. Later, I'd realize that being your own person is fantastic and all that jazz, but my middle school self couldn't have cared less.

I'm realizing now just how easy it is to become like the things and people you love without even realizing it. If that doesn't frighten you a little, I don't think you've fully grasped just what that entails. If you had, you'd realize that it has multiple consequences. It means that you have to be careful who/what you allow to consume your time, yes, but it also means that if you claim to allow something/someone to consume your time, it will be very evident. For example, if you say God consumes your thoughts, outsiders will be very aware if He actually does. That is the scary part. The exciting part? If God really is consuming your thoughts and you really do love Him with every piece of who you are, you will begin to inexplicably become like Him.

I'm both nervous and enthusiastic about this entire concept, but I'm also a little relieved. I'm relieved because (for lack of a better term) you can't BS God. When I tell Him in every prayer that I love Him more than anything, He knows my heart and all the mess that keeps that statement from being wholly true. But it's because He knows my heart that I can start to pray, "God, I love you, but I want to love you even more." That fragile honesty is what my relationship with God depends upon, and I am so relieved that I can be honest with Him when I don't have it all together. That is the first step to being consumed by Him. And when He consumes us, we start to look like Him more and more each day.

10 Things I Love About My Hall

When I was first told I was going to be in Nora Chambers Hall, I cringed. For those of you unaffiliated with Lee, Snora (Our nickname...Nora/Simmons. Get it?) isn't the greatest building. It's one of the older dorms, plus it's community style, so people don't typically apply for it. I automatically wasn't excited about my living situation, and when I hiked three flights of stairs and arrived at Nora Third North on the very first day here, I knew things were going to be interesting to say the least. When I walked onto our hall, I felt like I was in a scene of The House Bunny. I immediately noticed that none of the girls seemed similar. We were the most rag-tag bunch of girls ever. There were tall girls and really short girls, girls who say y'all and girls who don't, bubbly face-talkers and reserved introverts...seriously, our hall is so diverse. The thing is, after being here for several months, I can honestly say I am beyond thankful for being placed in this dorm. Being in a community style dorm forces you to get out of your room and communicate with people, and I've gotten to know the most amazing girls this year. The ladies of Nora Third North have been so wonderful to live with, so in a tribute to them, I present to you:

10 Things I Love About My Hall

1) We have the best RA

Brooke is the best RA there is. She's transparent with us, she puts up with us when we're rowdy (even during quiet hours), and she genuinely cares about each of us. She's exactly what an RA should be, and we're so grateful for her! This picture was taken at our dorm Christmas party, which explains why there are peppermints stuck to her cheeks.

2) Hall Dinner

Every week, the girls on my hall go to the caf for hall dinner. This was something instituted at the very beginning of the year, and this picture was taken the very first time we went as a group. I'm pretty sure we're the only hall that still does this, and I don't even care. It's nice that we can take a break out of our schedule once a week and go as a group. It's one of the things I look forward to most.

3) We make the most of community showers

The day it snowed here, I just really had the urge to sink into a bath tub. However, being in a community dorm, we don't have tubs. Even if we did, that would be gross. Community baths? No, thanks. So, in a surge of inspiration, I suggested we buy an inflatable pool and go swimming in the showers. The girls I live with jumped right on board without question, hence the picture. 

4) One word: Suzie

Ah, Suzie. Suzie is a stuffed decoration that one of the N3N girls brought back from home one weekend. The girls love to have fun with Suzie...obviously (She's wearing a mask in this picture). Sometimes I'll walk into my room after a long day and Suzie will be standing right in the doorway. Talk about creepy! We love Suzie, though, no matter how strange it is when she stares at us from the corner.

5) Another one-worder: Norman

We aren't allowed to have pets in the dorm, not even goldfish. Obviously this made us very sad because who doesn't like pets? My RA came up with the brilliant idea to get an electronic fish as a way to maintain the rules while still having the fun of a pet. So, we got Norman. Sometimes we call him Norm. He's pretty great.

6) Rules

I realize that this may be a little too much, but it makes me laugh every time I walk into the bathroom. It's a girls' dorm. What do you expect?

7) The Message Board

Sometimes the girls like to leave little messages on the white board on my door. This particular time, they were quoting the lovely Andy Samberg's video, "Threw It On The Ground."When I walked up to my door and saw this the other day, I immediately burst into laughter. They get me. And it's not just me...if you were to take a stroll down N3N, you would see little messages like this on every white board. These girls are stinking hilarious. 

8) Giant Faces 

I actually have no explanation for this one. I walked into my room and found this one day. Never a dull moment...

9) Sweet notes from sweet girls

Occasionally, I'll walk into my room and find that someone has slipped a note under my door. Sometimes I'll find notes tucked under the name-tag next to my door. Each note I've received from a girl here means so much to me, and it just highlights the beautiful personalities and attitudes that can be found on this hall.

10) We are a family

This poster is one of many in our lounge. The most important thing about our hall is that we consider one another family. It doesn't make much sense to us that a group of girls so incredibly different could connect so quickly and so deeply, but it happened. I love the girls of N3N so very much, and my first year at Lee couldn't be what it is without them. 

Crush The Idols

Wow, the title of this post sounds super Pentecostal. Being at Lee does that to you, I guess... It's been a few days since my last post, so I've had plenty of time to think about what I want to talk about. The problem is, I couldn't settle on a single idea. Writer's block at its finest, people. I've been racking my brain, and it didn't really hit me until Sunday what I would talk about.

I've mentioned Kingdom Players on the blog once before, but in case you don't know what it is...KP is a traveling drama group here at Lee. We're a team of 8 people, and we travel to different churches and events throughout the week doing skits and human videos. I absolutely love being a part of the group. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without it. The only negative thing I can say about KP is this: when you do a drama to a specific song at most services, the song gets really old really fast, even if it's a great song. That is exactly what happened with Jimmy Needham's, "Clear the Stage." (I linked the song, just in case you want to hear it.)

When we first heard the song, we adored it. Beautifully written and melodic, the song has a way of cutting to the heart of the matter; sometimes you just need to clear your stage so God can be center in your life. However, when you hear the song countless times in a week, the message has a way of becoming dim. At least that's how it is for me. I had gotten in a rut with the song where I didn't really hear the message anymore. That was until this past Sunday, when I heard the song with fresh ears. We were performing our drama at a church nearby, and the song had reached the bridge when it really clicked for me. There is a line that says, "Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol." When I heard those words, it felt like I had been hit in the face with a brick. How many times have I listened to that line and never really took it to heart? The truth of that sentence stuck with me well after the service was over. 

Our heart is where our thoughts are, and God's thoughts are constantly on us. The more I think about that, the more I realize how much we cheat God. I'm guilty of this. I'll ask God all the time to keep me in His perfect will, but seldom do I dwell on Him and His purpose for me. Instead, I allow my thoughts to jump to problems at school, people in my life, my future--things that are out of my control. And whether I like it or not, I let those things become idols in the face of a God who loves me more than anything. 

There is another line in the song that simply says, "You can sing all you want to and still get it wrong. Worship is more than a song." I want my worship to be more than a song, but if I can't keep God at the center of my thoughts, my worship will always be just a song. I'm not saying that we must think about God 24/7 and be super spiritual, never joke, laugh, have crushes, or worry about school work. I'm just saying that sometimes it's a good idea to clear our stages and let God know that He's the one we can't stop thinking of. If we're the center of His thoughts, why can't He be the center of ours?