Before I wound up at Lee University, I was scheduled to attend the University of Georgia. The week before move-in, I was recruited to Lee in the most amazing way. I'll go into more depth in another post. The point is, when God dropped the offer in my lap I chose Lee. And it was a decision I wanted to make.
Since I've been at Lee, I've applied for more jobs than I can count. I prayed for something, anything, just to help me out with college expenses. During Christmas break, I applied for an on-campus job, and I felt really good about it. However, before hearing back about that job, I was offered a job in the Office of Admissions, no application necessary. I was ecstatic! After a semester of praying for a simple interview, God provided me with an impeccably timed job. I accepted the offer. And it was a decision I wanted to make.
Countless other times in my life, this has happened. Lately, however, I have realized that sometimes I have to make decisions that I don't really want to. Maybe this is old news to you. Maybe you are accustomed to making hard decisions that tear at your heart and keep you up all night with a Bible in your hand searching for some catch-all verse that will make the decision easier. But for me, this is incredibly new and incredibly difficult to swallow. I've never made a decision I didn't want to make. And let me tell you, it sucks.
I immediately think of my youth pastor and his family. They were offered a job recently at a church 12 hours away (give or take an hour). Being the amazing people they are, they went to God. Before any decision was made, their household was praying, praying for an answer, praying for guidance, praying for God's will. After seeking His will, they decided to take the offer. The beauty of their choice is that the job they were offered would cut their current pay in half, yet they took it. They took it because they felt God was urging them to take it. They didn't dwell on the fact that their finances were taking a tumble; they trusted God to sustain them. It was new and scary and hard, but they decided. Not because they wanted to move, but because God needed them elsewhere.
Earlier I said that choosing the option you don't want to choose sucks, and that's true. But choosing the option you need to choose is...freeing. I know that my decision was completely God-centered. Why? Because I was nowhere in it. Sometimes God's will aligns with ours, and the decision is easy and exhilarating. But sometimes, we have to push our will aside and really think about what God wants for us. The decision is hard and it can break your heart, but isn't that beautiful? Isn't it beautiful to know that you are exactly where you need to be doing exactly what you need to be doing? I think it is.
You should look up the term Zugzwang. It is a German chess term I think. It puts me in mind of something someone said at a political conference I was at once, "Anyone can make the decision between good and good, and bad and worse, but the real decision is between bad and bad." Oh the humanity. (The real decision is between Quagmire and Quirk haha, I jest)
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